


Express Yourself

by TheShinySword



Series: Not a Gal, Not a Pal (Transdori Week 2020) [3]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Clothes Shopping, F/F, Friendship, Many of them!, Non-binary character, Tomoe Udagawa: Bro of the Year, Transdori Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26617837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShinySword/pseuds/TheShinySword
Summary: Tomoe invites Moca to come hang out with the boys and Moca has no idea what they're in for.
Relationships: Aoba Moca & Udagawa Tomoe, Imai Lisa/Satou Masuki/Wakana Rei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Satou Masuki/Wakana Rei
Series: Not a Gal, Not a Pal (Transdori Week 2020) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933525
Comments: 11
Kudos: 52
Collections: Transdori Week 2020





	Express Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 and I have once again ignored the prompt for another! This is Clothes Shopping.

Tomoe and Moca weren’t really the sort of friends who hung out on their own if there wasn’t a pile of ramen involved. They loved each other without question, would do just about anything for the other but when push came to shove they just didn’t have much in common. Tomoe was a jock in a drummer’s body and Moca was a listless gremlin whose hobbies were eating bread and lying. That’s what was so special about Afterglow, in another—way shittier—world they’d never be friends. But in this one they were family.

Still made Moca nervous when Tomoe asked to hang out on their next day off. Without another person as a buffer between them they tended to fall into the sort of silence that was only comforting because it meant they didn’t have to try to talk. But Moca could never turn down a date with a friend.

“Oi! Moca!” Tomoe shouted, waving her arm in a large sweeping arc that would have been easy to see from the international space station let alone the other side of the street.

Moca was filled with relief when they saw three other matching giants flanking Tomoe. They looked like a Korean boy band in high lesbian fashion. So exactly like a Korean boy band. On the far left in vibrant board shorts and an open floral button up—delinquent Tomoe: Masuki Satou. Next to her in an open black vest over a loose white shirt unbuttoned at the top—futch Tomoe: Rei Wakana. Bringing up Tomoe’s right side in lime green shorts and a pink polo—prep Tomoe: Kaoru Seta. And in the very center the leader of the bunch in a purposefully wrinkled linen shirt and masculine cut capris—Tomoe Prime.

Moca looked down at the faded coffee cup t-shirt they’d stolen from Tsugumi years earlier (was that a hole?) and the shorts their mom got them back in high school—ragamuffin Tomoe?

Moca lazily made their way across the street, giving her a little wave back before jamming their hand right back in their pocket, determined not to let any clothes based insecurity show on their face. “Yo~ Wha—.”

Tomoe locked them in a bear hug before they could get out a second word. Moca’s hand snuck out and gave Tomoe a firm affectionate pat, mixed company keeping them from really returning the affection. Couldn’t let half of Raise A Suilen know Moca was a total softy. Tomoe pushed Moca away with the excitement of a Labrador showing off her new toys. “Moca! These are my friends!”

“Yeah~ Moca knows ‘em~.” They waved to Rei, “At least _of_ them.” Moca had heard an awful lot about Rei, mostly from Lisa and mostly things they were pretty sure Rei wouldn’t want to know were discussed loudly by the revolving hot dog grill about her.

Rei shyly bowed her head, opening her mouth to speak just before Masuki blew past her to paw at Moca’s hand. “Masuki Satou! Drummer! She/Her but if you’re real nice to me I might let you use he/him.”

…real nice?

“Oh~. King right~?” Moca cooed.

Masuki stabbed her thumb into her chest. “Hell yeah!”

“Didn’t your hair used to be yellow?” Now that they were close together, Moca saw that Masuki’s hair was the sort of platinum blonde preferred by rockstars and wannabes. Moca got the feeling Masuki was a rockstar to her core.

“Ha!” Masuki laughed. Moca had never really understood the phrase ‘a barking laugh’ until they heard Masuki howl. “Yup! Always meant for it to be platinum tho, just got lazy with the dye. I don’t really care but—” She slung her arm around Rei’s shoulders— “Rei likes it like this! Don’t cha babe?”

A light blush colored Rei’s cheeks. “I do. Rei Wakana, She/Her and They/Them.”

“Eh?” Moca looked between the two, “but isn’t Rei dating Lisa?”

Masuki grinned toothily, “Lisa and I are friends with benefits, and the benefit is dating Rei. And making out sometimes. We’re a complete Butch – Futch – Femme scale triad my friend!”

There was so much raw power in that statement Moca didn’t know where to begin.

“And I~,” Kaoru burst between Rei and Masuki like the curtain on the stage of life, “am Kaoru Seta~.”

“Yeah. I know you,” Moca snickered.

“Of course,” Kaoru cooly replied before continuing her prepared speech. “I have used every pronoun imaginable in my many roles. I’ve even invented some myself!” Kaoru’s fingers flitted through the air with such flourish that Moca expected confetti to fly out of them.

“Yeah we get it Shakespeare,” Masuki pulled Kaoru into a “playful” chokehold. “But what should we call ya?”

“S-she/her is fine!” Kaoru croaked, trying not to pale under the new stress around her neck as she frantically tapped out against Masuki’s arm.

Oh~ so that was Tomoe’s game. Moca crossed their arms with a fond smirk. Tomoe gathered the first three people she could think of with even a slightly unconventional relationship with gender. Probably in a big show of support for Moca. Moca didn’t really need the reassurance but it was sweet of Tomoe to try.

“And I’m Tomoe!”

Moca resisted the urge to remind Tomoe they’d known each other since they were seven and they knew what her pronouns were. The whole thing reminded Moca of the late night they’d spent together when they were twelve frantically reworking Tomoe’s science project because she’d mistakenly thought the mitochondria was the powderhouse of the cell and written her whole report on proper gunpowder storage.

“Any/All!”

Moca nearly bit their tongue off in shock.

* * *

“Boys day! Boys day!” Masuki chanted like they were at an arena as she leaned dangerously over the side of the escalator, waving down at Moca and Tomoe on the perpendicular one below. Rei yanked her back before she smacked her head on an overhang. The mall was spared a stupidly gruesome scene.

Tomoe just laughed, the same charmingly unabashed laugh she’d had since they were kids. Or was it a little deeper now? What else had Tomoe changed unnoticed even though Moca had been staring right at her the whole time?

Moca tried to take stock of their friend as the escalator crawled up. Tomoe looked the same, right? Same messy mane of red hair—except was it really messy? Now that Moca really looked it seemed intentional like Tomoe had put product and time into the precise ruffle of her hair. How long had Tomoe worn linen shirts and capris? When did Tomoe start caring about her appearance outside of being Himari’s dress up doll? And how come Moca never noticed?

The answer Moca’s brain immediately jumped to was they didn’t notice because they were selfish and self-absorbed but Moca had more than enough practice shooing away such thoughts and recognizing them as the waste of time they were. Maybe they didn’t notice because Tomoe didn’t seem different, Tomoe just seemed more… Tomoe.

Moca dug out little crescents in the rubber escalator railing with their fingernails. Maybe Moca was a little jealous. Their change and realization had been so dramatic. Their coming out was an ordeal while Tomoe had been just grooving along the whole time becoming more herself.

Themself.

Himself.

Apparently any of them would do.

Before Moca could voice any of their thoughts, they’d reached the top floor where the others were waiting for them off to the side underneath a large and colorful map of the department store. At least Rei and Masuki were, Kaoru had already disappeared into the cotton maze of shirts and pants before them.

“Men’s section,” Moca absently read the sign printed on the wall over the map, declaring the intention of the department in front of them.

The other three exchanged a knowing glance. Without realizing it, Moca had stumbled into a time-honored tradition. Masuki stepped forward with a knowing smirk. “Rei!”

Rei reached up with the full extension of their arm and slapped their hand over the N on the sign.

“Tomoe! Read it out!”

Tomoe turned to Moca, her eagerness turning into earnestness, and with the cool conviction that somehow left Himari weak in the knees said, “Me’s section.”

“Yeah!” The three cheered together, Rei speaking significantly quieter than Masuki and Tomoe’s gruff shout. Moca got the feeling they’d all done some variant of this bit to each other like an initiation ritual. They were touched, even if it was a little misdirected. Shopping in the women’s section didn’t really bother Moca. Clothes were clothes and once they took them home all clothes were just Moca’s. Probably.

Masuki clapped Moca on the shoulder so strongly Moca worried she’d dislocated it and leaned down to Moca’s level. “Don’t you worry one sec. We got your back! If anyone hits with an ‘eh? What are you ladies doing here?’ I’ll just hit ‘em with a patented Satou glare!” Masuki grinned wildly, “There’s a good reason I gotta face like this!”

“You’ll come out of here a whole new person,” Rei added, slipping her hand into Masuki’s.

Moca shrugged with a smile, “Okay~ time for a whole new Moca. Hope they come in purple~. Where do we start?”

“What do you like to wear?” Rei asked.

Moca struggled to answer the question. Clothes just never seemed important to Moca—that was the domain of girls like Himari, not whatevers like Moca.

But looking at the other three, they all had their own styles and none of them were what Moca was used to thinking of when they pictured women’s clothes. Rei’s cinching vests, Tomoe’s masculine cut capris, Masuki’s repurposed board shorts—none of them were what people with their bodies were “supposed” to wear but all were things that suited them.

Me Clothes.

“I don’t know,” Moca admitted after a long pause.

A firm but loving hand pressed between their shoulder blades, coaxing them forward into the store. “That’s cool,” Tomoe said. “We’ll help you figure it out.”

* * *

There weren’t aisles as much as there were clusters of similar clothes spread throughout the floor with some reasoning that was far beyond fashion novice Moca’s comprehension. Some other shoppers were taking advantage of the Sunday afternoon to browse through the stacks and racks but not one of them paid any attention to their group. Masuki never had to use her glare, she seemed a little disappointed.

Masuki led them to denim first with an authority Moca assumed she’d earned from many similar trips. Rei was the real power behind the throne though, pouring over shelves and eyeing Moca before picking out a size from the many piles of varying shades of blue. Moca wasn’t quite sure why they bothered with the eyeing because they picked the smallest size each time.

By the time they left that single section of massive floor, Tomoe was laden down with a pile of pants that covered her eyes and Moca was rapidly doing math in their head. “Eh heh, Moca can’t afford this pile of goodies.”

“That’s not a problem,” Rei said, flipping through a rack of button downs, flicking past red, green, yellow shirts rapidly. She pulled out a blue one. “You’re just going to try those on—pick out whichever you like best.”

“This many?” In Moca’s experience they picked out the first thing that fit and got the hell out of dodge.

“You gotta learn what you like!” Masuki growled, tossing a purple t-shirt onto Tomoe’s stack.

“Oh oh! Moca look!” Tomoe tried to gesture at a row of red and black flannels. “You gotta get one. It’s the pride of our people!”

Moca eyed the flannel with deep suspicion, “The lumberjacks?”

“The lesbians!” Tomoe laughed. “Comfortable, cool and practical!”

“And hot~. It’s the middle of summer?”

“Weak!” Masuki declared before adding the smallest flannel possible to the pile. “Flannels are for all seasons!”

True, Moca didn’t know much about fashion but somehow they felt that was a flagrant lie.

Rei and Masuki steered them around the floor, Tomoe disappearing more and more with every item added as Moca tried to guess at what they would actually enjoy wearing. There wasn’t much time for deliberation before the couple pushed Tomoe and Moca to a dressing room and wandered off to do their own shopping.

Tomoe looked down the long line of mercifully empty rooms and dumped the pile of clothes in the first one. “I’ll wait outside if you wanna show me anything!”

“Thanks Tomo-chin~,” Moca cheered as they locked the slatted door behind them. They let the air out of their lungs and leaned back on the peeling wallpaper, staring at themselves in the mirror speckled with black spots and smudges. Jeez, was that what they looked like? Every other season they could cover up their fashion insecurity with hoodies, but summer… summer made them look like a child. Did the others feel like they were toting around their kid sis—sibling?

The pile towered up to Moca’s waist, full of clothes they’d never even thought of wearing, cut for bodies they didn’t have. Could a shirt sewn for broad shoulder really fit the slopes attached to their neck? Would it hide the curve of their hips or accent it? And which did Moca want?

There weren’t rules and suddenly that scared the ever living shit out of Moca. Who were they supposed to be? They stood there, paralyzed by the sudden infinity of choice.

“You okay Moca?” Tomoe’s voice cut through the noise. The door rumbled, she was just on the other side probably pressed up against it.

“I…” Moca’s voice was so very small emerging from their throat. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Oh. Okay.” Tomoe paused to think. Then, with a smile Moca could hear suggested, “Just grab the thing on top and put it on.”

Moca looked at the cloth draped over the top—the garb of their people, a red and black flannel. They picked it up in their hands. It was softer than they thought it’d be. And then, as simply as Tomoe said, they pulled it on over their t-shirt.

It was too big, the ends dipped below Moca’s waist even though the sleeves ended right at their wrists. The shirt was meant for someone whose shoulders could hold it up but… that didn’t mean it was wrong. On the contrary the garment draped over Moca like they were wearing a waterfall of colors. It emphasized their every movement with a dramatic sway. Moca marveled at how it changed their silhouette, making them more boxy but able to change that in a flash with a quick parting of fabric like their outfit had a built in reveal.

“Tomo-chin,” Moca called out, marveling at themselves a little more. “When did you start to think about this stuff?”

“Clothes?” There was a little grunt and thud—Tomoe sitting down. “Probably senior year? That’s when I really started to hang out with Masuki and then he brought Rei along and Kaoru crashed a few times and then… we had a group.”

Moca waited for Tomoe to continue, vaguely recalling Tomoe mentioning plans with “the boys” before and assuming that was a joke about her taiko sticks.

“I used to think clothes don’t really matter but… they all helped me realize, you can’t control how people perceive you but clothes are the closest way you can get to controlling that perception! Kaoru has this whole rant about performance and I kinda tune that out but like… the fundamentals ya know?” The slats rattled. “It makes sense. Clothes are how I decide how I want people to see me and if they ignore that… then they’re just assholes!”

“What Moca’s hearing is that if they don’t wanna be perceived they should just go around naked.”

Tomoe let out a little sad whine. “Is that really what you want?”

“Poof,” Moca sank to the floor, knees at their chest. “Moca disappears.”

“Don’t like that.” Tomoe said sagely. “I wanna see the you you wanna be. Clothes are… a step towards that.”

Moca’s legs stretched out, as far as they could go in the cramped changing room. They turned to the door, trying to catch a glimpse of Tomoe between the slats. “How long have you been…” They still weren’t sure what words Tomoe liked so Moca used the ones they know, “Any/All.”

“Hmm. About the same time.” There was no trace of offense in Tomoe’s words, of course not, Tomoe wasn’t that kind of person. “I dunno I just kind of realized… it doesn’t really matter to me. Like… for me, people are gonna see what they see. When I have short hair some people think I’m a guy. And that’s fine, don’t feel one way or the other about it. I’m just kinda… amphibian about the gender whole thing.”

Moca frowned, briefly wondering if this was some gender term they hadn’t learned yet until...“… Tomo-chin~. Do you mean ambivalent?”

“Yeah! That’s the word!”

“He he~.” Moca chuckled. “Same ‘ol Tomo-chin.”

Tomoe chuckled back. “Same ‘ol Moca.”

“But… why didn’t you tell us?”

Tomoe’s head thudded lightly against the door again. “It didn’t come up. I talked to Himari about it a while back but… it just didn’t feel important after that. If I’d known you were havin’ thoughts…eh. I didn’t wanna steal your thunder either. I had my boys to talk to.”

“I didn’t know you thought about this stuff…”

“What’d ya think I thought about?”

Moca snickered before pulling out their best (worst) Tomoe impression. “Soiya Soiya Soiya. I love Himari.”

“HA!” She clapped on the other side of the door. “You’re not wrong. But I’m pretty boring compared to the others.” There were shuffling noises as Tomoe turned to “face” Moca. “Like Masuki, he just ID’s as a lesbian! Nothin’ else. Not woman, not man, just lesbian! He’s so powerful. The pronouns are like this butch thing I don’t really get but he says it’s all about the history for him!”

Tomoe was buzzing on the other side. “Rei’s pretty private but when you get to know her better I bet she’ll share her whole story with you! Oh oh and Kaoru is…” Tomoe paused, trying to figure out exactly what Kaoru was. “Kaoru.”

“That sounds about right.” Moca hooked a pair of jeans on their foot and swung it back and forth.

“I used to think it was rough ‘cause there aren’t easy definitions for us. But if there aren’t definitions ready… that just means we get to define ourselves and I think that’s pretty great.” Tomoe sighed happily, “I can’t wait to hear yours!”

“Hehe.” Moca stood up, flannel sweeping around like a cloak. “You better get ready Tomo-chin~ cause super cool Moca’s gonna have the best gender you ever heard of.”

“Hell yeah!” Tomo shouted over the door.

“I’m going to try on all these clothes!”

“Yeah you are!”

Moca quickly stripped off their shorts and pulled on a pair of jeans. “Let’s see a new Moca!”

“YEAAAH!”

The pants immediately slid off Moca’s waist onto the floor.

“Oh no. Moca’s tiny.”

In the end, of all the many things they brought into the stall, the flannel was the only piece Moca liked—and, more accurately, the only piece that fit. They emerged with a shaking head but at least a small victory in their hands. After taking a few minutes to tidy the changing room into an arrangement of easy to re-sort piles. Moca and Tomoe returned to the world.

“Ho! Tomoe and Moca! I have something I think you’ll like!” And like a fairy godfather popping out of the woods, Kaoru appeared from nowhere with gifts in hand.

Moca eyed the colorful cloth draped over Kaoru’s arm with an eager, growing smile.

* * *

Four Tomoes entered the mall but five Tomoes left. Moca joined the gang in their rightful place as the fifth Tomoe in their new Bermuda shorts and butterfly covered short sleeved Hawaiian shirt—gay uncle Tomoe. They imagined their new crew walking out in slow motion, the breeze ruffling their hair as they made everyone who saw them question their gender and sexuality all at once. Of course, they didn’t walk in slow motion, that would be very rude, and there weren’t really people around to question their genders or sexualities, let alone both. But the power Moca felt was very real. So was the pose they briefly struck in the doorway.

“Heh,” Moca slid on the pair of sleek sunglasses they’d grabbed right before leaving, mostly because it was very bright out but also for the look! “You guys are pretty cool. Thanks.”

Kaoru bowed from the waist. “Ever glad to be of service dear Moca and I must say you strike an excellent figure in your new apparel!”

“Moca’s stylin’~.”

“Where’d you find those anyway?” Tomoe looked over her shoulder. “Moca’s so teeny nothin’ on that floor fit.”

“Itty bitty Moca~.”

Kaoru chuckled like she was about to unveil some deep wisdom. “Why I just went down to the boys department of course.”

“…ah.” Moca looked down at their clothes… the clothes for a child.

“Ha!” Pain shot through Moca’s shoulder as the full force of Masuki’s affection smacked into them. “That’s wild!”

Tomoe and Rei exchanged a terse look. Rei reached forward, “Hey Moca… it doesn’t really matter where the clothes came from.”

Moca cackled. “Of course it doesn’t! They’re ‘me clothes’!” They wiped the worry from their friends’, new and old, faces. “Now let’s go get some bruuunch, Moca wants Eggs Benny!”

“Heck yeah!” Tomoe shouted as they marched away. “BOYS BRUNCH!”

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my friends [Demonladys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonladys/pseuds/demonladys) and [Silversilky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversilky/pseuds/silversilky) for reading this through for me, make sure to check out their Transdori week content. 
> 
> Named for the song Express Yourself by Charles Wright & the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band which is not... strictly speaking a disco song but it's funk and a precursor and I make the rules.


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